I can’t believe this is going to be my last entry on this blog! Today is my last day in my 20s and technically I’m no longer a virgin, so this is it. As I write, Wonder Boy is running a half marathon, so I have some time to reflect and write this.
I’ve read quite a few articles about what I should have, have done, be able to do by the age of 30, but none of them jumped out at me. I had, had done, was able to do most of them by the age of 25. So, I’ve decided to make my own list!
1: Be independent of your parents – financially at least!
2: Have a close group of friends who you can trust with secrets, call at anytime of the day or night and who can see you first thing in the morning without being scared!
3: Have travelled outside of your home country – there is no excuse to not have left your homeland by this age, you have to be at least a little bit curious about the big bad world. And, if you think your country is the best in the world, you’re deluded…..no country is!
4: Have lived in another country.
5: Be able to communicate in another language or at least be able (and willing) to communicate using signs, pictures and phrasebooks.
6: Try different types of food – if you decide you don’t like something after you’ve eaten it that’s fine, but don’t knock it til you try it! (Even if it is sheep’s brain and you know you won’t like it, you never know when you might have to eat it out of survival and it’s better to be prepared!)
7: Have had a really crap job – it builds character!
8: Have experienced love – I’m not saying you have to be married or in a relationship, or to ever have had one, but I think it’s important that you’ve fallen in love at some stage and it’s really great if someone loves you back!
9: Have been really drunk and done something silly (once is enough for this one, but most of us have more than one story to tell!) Apparently I have 10 fingers and I wanted everyone to know that!
10: Know where to go to get the perfect jeans, perfect black trousers, and shoes for you.
11: Have underwear that fits perfectly.
12: Be able to drive – I only learned when I was 25 and got my first car when I was 26, but it was the best decision ever!
13: Have a fallback drink that you know every bar serves no matter where you are just in case someone offers to buy you one and you can’t see if the bar has your favourite beer/ wine/ juice. Every bar has soda and lime!
14: Know how to use a computer with confidence.
15: Don’t be afraid to talk to strangers.
16: Have a favourite possession that you can’t live without, but realise that people are more important than things!
17: Have a favourite movie/ song/ book or poem that can cheer you up if you’re feeling down/ get you ready for a night out/ calm you down or wake you up.
18: Be able to cook at least 7 different meals, so you don’t have to eat the same thing every day!
19: Be able to be a good hostess.
20: Have life goals – they don’t have to have deadlines, but a rough idea is good!
These are the things that I think are important to have, be able to do have done and have realised by the time you’re 30.
Now, as far as my list of resolutions goes, I suppose I’d better review them and see if I’ve had a productive year or not!
1: Save some money.
Tick! Money in a savings account, mortgage re-negotiated and a kitty for the holidays!
2: See new places
Tick! Barcelona and Morocco!
3: Find a new job
No. I’m doing new things at work, but it’s still the same place.
4: Get fit and healthy
Tick, but I need to keep it up obviously! There’s no point getting fit and healthy for one day!
5: Have sex!
TICK!!!!!! The biggest surprise of all! It’s not perfect yet by any means, but I can definitely say I am not a virgin!
6: Go back to Italy
No, but I WILL do it next year.
7: Make travel plans
We’ve discussed and thought about this a lot too. We think we might have a kinda plan, but we’re waiting for confirmation. So, this one is half ticked off!!!
8: Get a tattoo
No. I want to make sure the vaginismus is gone for good before I get it.
9: Wear a designer dress on my birthday
Tick! Thanks to my Mum I’ll be wearing a lovely DKNY dress for my party!
And I added a tenth of going camping at a music festival, which was also ticked off. So, 6.5 out of 10. Not too bad I guess!
And finally, I’d like to thank you all for reading. My blog has come to an end, but I’ll be keeping up with everyone else’s.
I’ve always been one to do things close to deadlines – I’m very organised, but seem to need the little push of time running out to get me to finish things! I always crammed for exams and finished assignments at midnight. So here I am 8 days before my birthday and I’m able to say that Wonder Boy and I had a massive breakthrough last night!
Since I last wrote I have no idea what has happened. I started a pilates class on Tuesday to learn how to control my breathing. When I used my dilators that evening, I used the breathing techniques we’d learned and the 3rd dilator went in quite easily. So, for the rest of the week I practised a lot and last night I finally decided to practise with Wonder Boy! I would like to point out that I was not drunk or on valium for this!!!!!!!!!!
All I can say is that it was 100% successful and that now the title of this blog is a little misleading! Now, I know that we’ve a long way to go and that it mightn’t happen every time we try, but when I think back to the very 1st time we tried (and he told me there was nothing there) and compare it to now, we’ve come a very long way!
I had gyn visit number two today. I was as nervous as the 1st time and felt really out of place surrounded by girls in their school uniforms who were waiting with their mothers. This just pointed out the wasted years to me yet again.
Anyway, when I told her the progress I’d made with the dilators, she was impressed and I got ready for my examination. This time she was going to use an “instrument”. I knew that wasn’t going to work out for her, but I let her try anyway – it is her job afterall! I did better than I thought I would, but after about 30 seconds I had to tell her to remove it and she finished the examination herself, saying that it was much easier than the last time.
She still thinks that it’s a muscle problem and not anything else, but if I want to, I can have an examination under anaesthetic. I’m going to leave it for another few months anyway, just to see how far I go by myself. I’m not a fan of the surgery option. First of all I’d have to tell my family – there’s no way I could hide a surgical procedure from them, and secondly, yuck…….who knows what she’d do and what kind of pain I’d be in when I’d wake up! She suggested learning some relaxation techniques and I’m starting pilates to learn how to focus on specific muscle groups.
The best part, which makes me almost feel like a grown up, is that I have an appointment for 6 months time for a smear test! I’ve heard about girls who’ve overcome vaginismus feeling happy when they have to buy tampons and condoms and now I feel like that about a smear test! I’m sure I won’t feel like that afterwards, but…..!!! She said she could have almost done it today, but cos I got so freaked out about the instrument, she didn’t. Now I know what it looks like, I should be better the next time.
I’m not quite sure what I was expecting from the visit, so I can be optimistic I guess.
No, I haven’t been hiding under a rock for the last few months, I’ve been purposefully avoiding watching Glee because I watch waaaay too much TV and I knew I’d love it. Unfortunately, last week someone was watching it when I came home and within minutes I was hooked! I’ve just spent the whole weekend watching Season 1-all 22 episodes. I’m now walking around the place singing.
I always love watching series that are set in high school or college because I can still identify with the topic of losing your virginity. How they deal with this topic interests me. I keep waiting for a storyline with vaginismus, but of course there never is one. I’ll be keeping a close eye on Emma just incase it happens to be her story – I doubt it, but you never know.
One thing that sets Glee apart though is it’s use of music, especially the use of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”, which is one of my all-time favourite songs. It was playing on the radio when Wonder Boy and I were moving into our house and we play it at every party we have (air guitar and hand reach essential!)
So, I’m going to take the words of the song as inspiration as I get ready for my gyn appointment tomorrow and I might play it every day when I use my dilators to help me focus on the final goal. As there are only 2 weeks left to my birthday, I realise I’m going to have to rename this blog to Adventures of a 30 Year Old Virgin, but I really hope it stops there and that it doesn’t have to be renamed in 12 months time.
We have a magpie camping out in our garden! Now, I know that usually magpies travel in groups, in the very least pairs, but this one is quite happy hanging out on his own. I’ve been waving at him for days, but he’s still there, marching around the place, picking at the grass. I don’t know what he’s hoping to find, but I wish he’d just go away! I’m tired of looking for the 2nd one who’s usually around.
A couple of months ago, I wrote about the good luck sign of a black cat. Just when I was starting to think things might be going well, along comes Mr Magpie. I’m not really a superstitious person, but as it’s getting close to the deadline for my resolutions, I’m looking for signs.
All in all it’s looking good for next month. I’m really making a big effort on the vag and dilator front. I’ve even roped Wonder Boy into helping me with the exercises to try and help me get over my fear. It’s a little weird, but we’ll see. I’m going to try some relaxation techniques and get as much help as I can from my gyn appointment in a couple of weeks.
Unfortunately, there’s been a casualty in my plan…..I’ve given up on running!!! I just really hate it. I always have and I always will. I can honestly say I gave it my best shot. I got as far as being able to run for 4 minute blocks, but I thought I was going to have a heart attack when I got home. Now I’m trying 1 minute running, 1 minute walking and it’s working out much better. I have to face the fact that I’m never going to be able to run 3 miles in 30 minutes-that was my goal. I can run/walk it in about 40 and that’s just going to have to do!
Right…I’m off to get that magpie!
I recently added going to a music festival and camping to my to-do list and now I can happily say that they’re done! Now, when I say happily, I mean the music and the festival was great……the camping, not so! If I never go camping again, I don’t think I’ll be too disappointed.
We arrived at the campsite just as it started raining. Wonder Boy did a great job putting up the tent (I did a great job watching him put up the tent!) but we got wet through. We just had the tent up when the rain went away – typical! Luckily it stayed away for the rest of the weekend and we could enjoy the festival. We got everything into the tent and made it nice and comfortable…..blow-up bed and cocoon sleeping bags and then went off to eat and listen to music.
Unfortunately, a few hours later, something I’d eaten did not want to stay in my body anymore and I spent about 5 hours running to the campsite’s portable WCs. It was NOT fun at all and I would not recommend getting food poisoning at a festival. I slept in all my clothes cos I was shivering so much and really cold. I got about 20 minutes here and there of sleep and I decided that one night camping was enough. We enjoyed the 2nd day of music and I drove home at 2am so that I could sleep in my own bed!!!! I’m a wuss I know, but at least I can say I tried it and it’s not for me!
On the dilator front, things are going well – I think! I was trying to use the 3rd one last week when I thought I had “broken” myself. Wonder Boy had to come upstairs to assure me that everything was fine and that I wasn’t bleeding to death! What had happened was that I was trying a new position, which felt really comfortable, so I pushed the dilator in a little more than previously. Then I heard a pop. There was no pain or anything like that, but I freaked out and froze! Since then I’ve tried it a couple of times, but I’m afraid to push it. The 2nd one is now totally easy to use. I can get the 3rd one in a certain amount and then I hit a wall and I’m afraid to push past it in case I do something bad/painful. I know that that part is probably a mental block, but until I feel comfortable doing it, I don’t think I’ll be able to push it. So, in terms of making progress, I think I can say YES, I’m making some.
Now, just a little update on the totally frivolous resolution I had of wearing a designer dress for the big day. I’ve found one that would be perfect….well…it looks perfect. I haven’t actually tried it on yet. It looks perfect! It’s a DKNY little black dress. It has a plain black top and a black and grey patterned skirt. I’m going to try it on on Friday afternoon with my Mum, who thinks it’s the perfect dress. She told me yesterday she wants to buy it for me as my present! I really hope it suits!
It suddenly struck me as I walked back from the shop last Sunday with the paper and something sweet for Wonder Boy’s breakfast that I had become a grown up without realising it. I was walking back to the house that I’ve owned (with Wonder Boy) for almost 2 years thinking about the conversation I’d just had with the cashier. She had apologised for having to give me my change in coins and I’d replied by saying that it didn’t matter because it wouldn’t last long and that things were so expensive these days and I walked out of the shop thinking I sounded like my mother! OMG!!!!
The fact that I am a grown up shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to a 29 year old, but it does. I think it’s because it’s something that happens so slowly – I didn’t just wake up one day and say “right, from today on, I’m going to be a grown up”. I just slowly went from having to ask my parents for everything to not having to ask them for anything.
Over the years I’ve had little “I didn’t have to ask Mum and dad before I did/bought that” moments. Like the difference between each time I got my ears pierced. Getting my ears pierced was a massive deal for me because I hadn’t been allowed for so long. I was 16 when my Mum finally realised I wasn’t going to die if I got them done. She still didn’t like them, but I survived. I decided to get them pierced a second time about 7 years later when my parents were on holiday and I told them when they got home. The 3rd time I got them pierced was after I’d moved into our house. That time I didn’t even tell my parents. My Mum noticed them after a while, but I don’t think my Dad’s never noticed them!
Changes in socialising happen gradually anyway. I used to have to ask if I could stay out until 11pm. Then I had to ask if I could go to the pub and then if I could go dancing. Bit by bit I didn’t have to ask and it got to the stage where if I didn’t go out, I was reminded that I was young and should be going out!
The other big thing is going to the doctor. I used only go to the doctor when I was sick with my Mum. Then I started making my own appointments. I told her I was going, but she didn’t come in with me. And eventually I didn’t even tell her I was going to the doctor. I never told her I was on the pill and if she ever found out, she never said anything. I’m not on it any more (what’s the point?!?!?!) but she probably thinks I still am. She knows nothing about me having vaginismus and probably thinks I really am living in sin! She has no knowledge of my visits to the gyn and I’ve no idea how I’d cover up my doctor’s wonderful surgery suggestion! I might tell her in years to come, I might not, we’ll see.
So, now, as an almost 30 year old with a full time job (same one for the last 8 years), a house, a car, bills and a long term boyfriend I suppose I should start to act my age. So what am I going to do???? I’m going to watch Twilight and eat a packet of Love Hearts that Wonder Boy picked up at the shop!
Part 21: It’s the Final Countdown…..(na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na, na na na na na na na na…….!!!)
Only 8 weeks to go to my birthday! Yikes! I can’t believe it. The year has gone so fast. It only feels like a couple of weeks since I started this blog to keep a record of things.
So anyway, here are some updates:
Go to Italy: Last time I updated I thought I’d be going, but it looks as if I’m not going to be able to make it to my friend’s wedding in September. Some things have come up and I’m going to have a party on that day instead. Also, one of my other friends there is pregnant and due at the end of December, so I’ll probably take a trip next year anyway!
Get fit and healthy: I just had another informative chat with my doctor today (well, actually this time it was!) and I found out I’m a bit anaemic, which explains a lot. On the major plus side, I’ve managed to lower my cholesterol level by 1.2!!!!! He was really surprised! My running programme is also going well. I surprised myself today by being able to run for 6 minutes. Wonder Boy has pointed out that soon I’m going to have to get a bigger loop to run. The aim is to be able to run for 30 minutes by my birthday.
Have sex: I had my 1st pain-free experience with the 2nd dilator yesterday. I was so happy! I’m also still using the 3rd one as well, but I haven’t gone any further than half-way with it. I did psyche myself up to make an appointment with the gyn though and it’s in 5 weeks time.
And….I’ve decided to retrospectively add another resolution. I just knew 9 was too odd a number to have! So, Resolution Number 10: go camping at a music festival! I’ve never been camping and we bought out tent on Saturday, probably one of the wettest days of the year so far. The festival is in 2 weeks time and I just hope it stays dry.
If learning to walk was this difficult, I’m glad I don’t remember it! However I’ve finally managed to make some progress with the 3rd dilator. I’ve got it nearly half way in 3 times. I’ve been doing some special breathing exercises while doing it and they seem to be helping. I WILL make another appointment for the gyn soon, but I need to psyche myself up a little first!
Another baby step I’ve made is a decision to learn how to jog. I want to be able to jog for 30 minutes. I’ve started a simple training plan. To be honest, I could have started on week 3 because I already walk a lot, but I’m starting at the start! Wonder Boy came with me today and made me run more and walk faster than ever!
Watch this space .
In the interest of research I decided to take the Valium my doctor prescribed me just to see. Here are the results!
Friday night: I’m always tired on Fridays anyway, so I wasn’t expecting much! I took one and after an hour felt exactly the same. I used my dilator, but was as tense as ever. I had one drink and went to bed. My leg, stomach, jaw, and back muscles were as tense as ever and there wasn’t any less pain. I slept well though!
Saturday night: Now that I knew the side effects weren’t bad, I thought it might work. I’d 3 drinks and took the tablet and hour before going to bed. I managed to stay awake to watch a movie. (Amazing – I’ve lost count of the number of movies/TV shows where I’ve fallen asleep before the ending!) Anyway, went to bed. Apparently I was more relaxed, but the next thing I knew, it was 8am!!!!
So, the conclusion…….. I’ll use them if I need a good night’s sleep! They are not going to help my vaginismus at all!