Adventures Part 26: Optimistic…..Maybe…..

August 30, 2010 at 8:02 pm (baby steps, Dilators, doctor's visits, health, relationships, resolutions, sexual dysfunction, Vaginismus) (, , , )

I had gyn visit number two today. I was as nervous as the 1st time and felt really out of place surrounded by girls in their school uniforms who were waiting with their mothers. This just pointed out the wasted years to me yet again.

Anyway, when I told her the progress I’d made with the dilators, she was impressed and I got ready for my examination. This time she was going to use an “instrument”. I knew that wasn’t going to work out for her, but I let her try anyway – it is her job afterall! I did better than I thought I would, but after about 30 seconds I had to tell her to remove it and she finished the examination herself, saying that it was much easier than the last time.

She still thinks that it’s a muscle problem and not anything else, but if I want to, I can have an examination under anaesthetic. I’m going to leave it for another few months anyway, just to see how far I go by myself. I’m not a fan of the surgery option. First of all I’d have to tell my family – there’s no way I could hide a surgical procedure from them, and secondly, yuck…….who knows what she’d do and what kind of pain I’d be in when I’d wake up!  She suggested learning some relaxation techniques and I’m starting pilates to learn how to focus on specific muscle groups.

The best part, which makes me almost feel like a grown up, is that I have an appointment for 6 months time for a smear test!   🙂   I’ve heard about girls who’ve overcome vaginismus feeling happy when they have to buy tampons and condoms and now I feel like that about a smear test! I’m sure I won’t feel like that afterwards, but…..!!!  She said she could have almost done it today, but cos I got so freaked out about the instrument, she didn’t. Now I know what it looks like, I should be better the next time.

I’m not quite sure what I was expecting from the visit, so I can be optimistic I guess.   🙂

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